Michael Vick? may have served his debt, but an award for courage? hell no!

You see this girl? She used to work security for a drug house in Baltimore. When the house got busted, she was taken to the city shelter where she lived for three months, then a lovely woman took her home and fostered her. Now she lives with me. Her name is Bella Jane.

And when she came home she was fucked up. She shook all the time. She didn't know that standing on the dining room table was inappropriate behavior. She shied if I stamped my feet. She got aggressive if I yelled. And she cuddled like she was starved.

That was a bit more than a year ago. Now she has learned a lot and taught me and S more. She only shakes some of the time. She's been through two obedience classes and private training. She plays well with some dogs. Not well with others. I never yell at her. And she loves us madly.

She's a pit bull (as are the other two dogs that live with me). A pit bull that had been abused, neglected, encouraged to be aggressive, but never fought. And she was a mess.

I have a soft spot for pit bulls.

Which means I have a deep well of rage for people that torture and fight them.

Michael Vick, a QB for the Philadelphia Eagles, served 18 months in prison for running a dog fighting ring. A ring in which he personally, with his bare hands, strangled at least one dog. Others were tortured, many were killed in other non-medical ways.

He's a reasonably talented football player, so as soon as he finished serving his sentence, he was signed by the Eagles. He has since apologized for his choices and is working with the Humane Society to educate young people about the horrors of dog fighting.

Personally, I don't believe his remorse for a second. He's sorry he got caught. he;s sorry he went to jail. But really sorry for what he did? Judge for yourself:



Sam Lamantia Jr., CEO/Chairman of the Board sam@edblock.org

Want more? Contact the foundation's funders:

Harry and Jeanette Weinberg Foundation
Rachel Garbow Monroe, Chief Operating Officer
Phone: 410-654-8500, ext. 220
Email: rmonroe@hjweinberg.org

Want still more? Support the folks who are taking care of the dogs Michael Vick hurt.

Last Friday: or in which i prove once again that someone should follow me with a video camera

How was your Friday?

Oh, was someone asking me that?

Because last Friday pretty much sucked. I mean it could have be worse. I've definitely had worse. But, let's just say it could be better.

That's Minnesotan for, "RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!!!"

It started Thursday.

I work from home on Thursdays. This is supposed to ensure that I get all that pesky paper work done. Uh huh. It does usually mean the web site gets updated and email gets answered. But I also have yoga on Thursdays, so I left the house (this was the mistake), went to yoga, went to the store, ordered some stuff, and went back home. I was gone for, oh, about 3.5 hours. Not much time, right?

When I opened the door, fresh with plans to eat my burrito, get started on some long postponed stuff and meet with the guy about our roof, only to be confronted with a smell that could kill small children.

Amazingly enough, it was not poo. It was puke. Really pungeunt puke. Zach had vomitted all over his kennel, and worn a bare patch on his nose in a futile attempt to bury the extremely odifereous stuff in his blanket. Poor guy.

He then proceeded to vomit about every ten minutes.

I would like you to know that I still managed to eat my burrito. In between cleaning the most awful puke I've ever encountered and calling the vet. The little guy was getting dehydrated.

In the mean time, helicopters were circling overhead. When the roof guy showed up he said streets were closed everywhere. I wondered about that for a minute, looked at the roof with the roof guy, threw Zach in the car and ran off to the vet.

IV fluids and a shot later we were back home and he was doing better. And the puking had miraculously stopped.

So, the rest of the evening was spent keeping a close eye on Puke Boy, and withholding food from both him and Piper. The vet's best guess was that we were dealing with doggie stomach flu. Bella had been sick earlier in the week, so it made sense to me that Piper was next.

It was around then, that I heard that a blizzard was expected. For Saturday. You know, the biggest retail shopping day of the year? Yep. That day. I grumbled and stomped and fed myself some wine. And went to bed.

Piper woke up puking in the middle of the night. But, she had nothing to throw up. Put one in the win column for the Jones/Z household! Good catch.

We were up early, cooking rice, baking chicken, walking dogs, tidying the house and retrieving the snow shovel from the garage. When I got an idea in my head. This should have been accompanied with blinking lights and sirens.

In our back yard we have a sweet little fountain. S and I had been meaning to dump it out and wrestle it into the garage, but she's been working out of town and we just hadn't gotten to it on one of her weekends home. She was coming home, but she had contracted the creeping crud and was coughing up small children and I knew she was going to think she needed to tackle the fountain before the blizzard. I decided to cut this off at the pass. I would take care of it before she got home!

So there I was in the back yard, wearing flannel sock monkey pajamas, red shiny shoes, a black parka and one of those fleece Raven's hats that always kind of look elvin and pointy no matter what. With a pick ax. There was some ice in the damn thing and I needed to get it out before I flipped the base over.

I pick axed out the ice, everything was going well, removed the main part of the fountain, and crouched down to lift and dump. The base of the fountain is heavy as shit. I'm reasonably strong, but it was extra heavy because of the ice. I got it mostly dumped. Then I decided to go for the flip. Just a little bit more umph would do it. And I'd be the best partner EVER. So I pushed with my legs.

And my red shiny shoes slipped on the frost. I dropped the fountain and landed in it. On my face, my nose making direct, hard contact with the pokey end of the fountain pump.

Then I was sitting in a lump of sock monkey pajamas sobbing with blood running out my nose. And all I was thinking was, "God damnit, my nose was already big enough!" Followed by a lot of feeling sorry for myself. And stupid. So I hiccupped and shuffled my way into the house, where Zach stared at me with that special, slightly bug eyed pit bull stare as I put the leftover frozen corn on my face and tried to arrange the corn so that I could watch the soothing patter of a West Wing re-run.

A bit later after I had showered, and reassured myself that my nose had not acquired a new direction, I took off to work, with both Piper and Zach in the car (see aforementioned puke fest). I shortly discovered that Zach was not ready to work in the store yet. Too much happening that scared him, so, after spending enough puke free time in the car that i was reasonably certain he wasn't going to repeat the previous day's kennel experience, back home he went.

By then I was a bit tired.

And overwhelmed.

And sore.

But we had some really lovely customers. And sold a lot of stuff.

I ended the day with a 9:15 pm trip to the grocery store for blizzard provisions.

And settled in with S for a long winter's night.

The black eyes were very, very minor by the way. More a suggestion of black eyes. S decided it was fun to call me Rickey.

She was right. That was fun. But I don't think I'm going to miss them.

in which i talk about sex at Morgan State

Last night I went to Morgan State and did a Hot Safer Sex class with the Rainbow Soul (Morgan's Gay/Straight Alliance).

It was a blast.

So I get there, check in with the woman who was organizing the event, set out my stuff and wait for folks to show up. People came in, laughing and greeting people, taking seats in a huge circle.

When I teach Hot Safer Sex, one thing I always take into account is the audience I'm addressing. Young people in Northern Virginia need to hear slightly different statistics than folks in Baltimore City. And young people at one of Baltimore's two Historically Black Colleges need to hear slightly different statistics than people at an event for white women over 40 in Roland Park.

Because 2/3rds of diagnosed sexually transmitted infections occur in people under 25.

And people who are African American in Maryland are disproportionately affected by HIV and AIDS. 82% of AIDS cases and 75% of HIV cases in Maryland occur in people that are African American. Only 29% of people in Maryland are African American, a huge disparity.

Although the leading cause of HIV transmission in MD is heterosexual intercourse, a 2004 study found that in Baltimore City, among men who have sex with men, 40 % were positive for HIV. Most of them were unaware of their infection. This study tested men who were congregating at or around gay clubs and/or events, so the number likely excludes some of the lower risk men who have sex with men, but it certainly indicates that we have a significant problem.

No matter how you cut it, we have a crisis in this city. Baltimore is fourth in the nation in per capita AIDS cases. Just down the road is Washington, DC. With the highest rates of HIV/AIDS in the country at around 3% of the population.

What group that is seeing steady increases in numbers of new cases of HIV in Baltimore? It's people under 29. In fact the number of new HIV diagnoses doubled from 2001 to 2007.

This doesn't take into account other sexually transmitted infections. Which are more common, and contracted in the same ways - unprotected sexual contact.

All of these facts were weighing heavily on my mind when I walked into that room. Here was a group of young, smart African American people who were willing to listen while I talked about safer sex. And I had to do it in a way that they could hear.

It's that last part that's challenging.

Usually safer sex ed focuses on the scary numbers, or on frightening pictures of worst case presentations of disease. Frankly, those scary pictures hurt more than they help. If someone has a lesion on their stuff, they may not worry about it until it starts to look like that scary picture. And let me tell you. I've seen a lot of genital warts. They rarely look like those pictures. Second of all, scare tactics instill a fear of sex, not respect. Fear works. For a while. Until it doesn't. And the precautions go by the wayside.

Because at some point the extremity of fear based education doesn't ring true in our lives. No one talks about it when they get diagnosed with a sexually transmitted infection, so it feels like it doesn't happen in our peer group. And HIV? It is, after all, one of the least common sexually transmitted infection in the US. It's easy to think you don't know anyone with HIV. Or that something scary and deadly isn't going to happen to you. Those things happen to other people. Until it does happen to you.

I walk a very careful line between talking about the hard cold facts, normalizing the facts (seriously - the common cold? that's the most common sexually transmitted infection), and offering means of prevention that are accessible and sexy. Condoms, dental dams, gloves, vibrators.

Yep. Vibrators. Just because sex is safe doesn't mean it can't be sexy. If you use a vibrator on your partner, and that vibrator belongs to them and only them, there's no exchange of body fluid. You just had hot safer sex.

Or strap ons. Talk about safer sex! Use a silicone dildo (or metal or glass - materials that are body safe and won't absorb bacteria or virus). It's sanitizable, it's sexy, it's durable. Use a harness you can actually wash. Once again, smoking hot safer sex.

Or a butt plug that you insert in your partner, after massaging their ass, gently using lube while wearing a nitrile glove. That glove? Not only does it protect your hand from exposure to disease, but it protects your partner's ass from exposure to scratchy skin or hang nails. After you remove the glove, you can safely touch yourself.

Or how you talk about using protection. "It's cause I care about you, unless we've been monogamous for six months, we need to protect each other". Caring protection. That's hot.

So we talked. At first I depressed them a little bit. Because some of the numbers are scary. And we had fun talking about sex toys and safety.

They asked really good questions. We laughed. I think they might have learned something. I hope that they learned that sex is whole. It is hot and dangerous and earth shattering and boring and fascinating and delightful. When we treat sex and our bodies in a manner that is risk aware and respectful sex becomes more fun, more fulfilling and ultimately safer.

Happy World AIDS Day.

Get tested. Know your status. And celebrate the hot opportunities in safer sex. You're only bound by your own creativity!

Blessings to those of you who've dared to be out about your battles with HIV and AIDS. You've changed my life.

Twilght - glorifying emotional abuse?

The new Twilight movie opened this weekend. Which has me thinking. I've only read the first book, and it disturbed me deeply.

This fall, I gave in and downloaded Twilight (the first book in the Twilight series)onto my Kindle (as far as inventions go - the Kindle is up there with sliced bread). I wanted to know what all the fuss was about. I was ready for an easy read and a bit of escapism.

Instead, I was horrified.

Twilight is a modern book, written for young adults, in which a controlling, borderline abusive relationship is played up as a great love story. Oh, and throw in a little pedophilia as well (how the hell old is Edward [112 according to a friendly twihard]? and Bella's what - 17?). But I'm probably being oversensitive about Edward's real age. I know - he looks 18. I'll let that go. And the abstinence message? You're not going to hear me complain about encouraging kids to postpone first intercourse. I have opinions about how that should be done, but I'm not against the concept.

I am against controlling, manipulative behavior.

Edward tells Bella that they can't be together. Not because he doesn't want to be with her, but because he knows what's best for her. Then he tells her he can't stay away. After all, they've known each other for two days and are deeply in star crossed love. She follows eagerly along as he pulls the strings.

He watches her 24/7. He doesn't need to sleep, so the fact that he spends all night staring at her in her bedroom is fine right? Um, no. That's called stalking. Doesn't he have something else to do?

She says she doesn't want a party or presents for her birthday. He surprises her with a party and expensive presents.

She asks him to drive more slowly because she's frightened. He ignores her.

He's rich and buys her things. She's middle class and can't reciprocate. Besides, 112 year old rich men have everything they'd ever need.

She wants him to turn her into a vampire. He tells her that will never happen and interferes when she tries to see if someone else will turn her (I would add that here, he may have a point - 17 is simply too young to make decisions that are irreversible by centuries).

Throughout the entire book he contradicts her, he tells her what to do, he treats her like a very stupid but appealing toddler.

She rarely objects to this treatment. After all, he's the hot, unattainable bad boy, and she's the awkward young woman who's new in town, has a distant relationship with her father and has been abandoned by her mother. But when she does fail to listen, people get hurt. Which reinforces her total dependence on him.

The power differential between them is huge. That happens in real relationships. And it's difficult to manage well. Here was a chance to model managing it well (while still being very dramatic star crossed lovers).

Not once in the book is the structure of their relationship challenged or questioned by the author in any meaningful way.

I recognize that when Stephanie Myers wrote these books, she had no clue that they were going to be the cultural phenomenon they have become. But, when you are writing for a young adult market you have some responsibilities. One of those is to not set up an abusive controlling relationship as a positive, sexy relationship model.

I've been in an abusive relationship. They aren't sexy. But, I learned alot. One thing that I learned is that you can not tolerate the least inkling of controlling behavior. Because it's a quick and slippery slope.

People who abuse other people aren't necessarily bad people. In fact they're often lovely individuals with unaddressed issues. That's part of what makes tolerating their behavior so easy. There are always multiple ways to rationalize it. "He's a vampire, he knows best, he's just trying to protect me" When the truth is, he's (intentionally or not) choosing to be with someone who has less power than he does. Rather than looking for ways to balance the power differential, he's choosing to use his power to control her every move. Abuse, especially emotional abuse can sneak in subtly. "Isn't it sweet that he wants to watch me sleep?" turns into, "he needs to know what I'm doing every minute of the day". Which becomes, "I don't do anything without his permission". At the end it's "I don't do anything that wasn't his idea, because the other options create too much pain".

Finding your way out of abuse as either an abuser or abusee is a difficult and painful journey. On the way a lot can happen, including both people finding a way to be healthy. But books like this? They don't help.

It's a lot easier to stop a relationship from becoming abusive than it is to fix it later. And this book sets up a relationship based on power and control as a fairy tale delight.

Teenagers are especially vulnerable to abuse in intimate relationships. One in 10 teenagers experiences physical abuse in a dating relationship. 2-3 in 10 report verbal or psychological abuse. Our teens should be taught the warning signs of this kind of behavior. Not have it glorified as the fictional teen romance of the decade.

*statistics from the DOJ

Job Opening at Sugar

We've got a (very) part time job opening at Sugar!

If you're interested, read on.

Seeking mission driven Sex Educators to work at Sugar, a lesbian owned, women and trans operated sex toy store in Hampden, Baltimore. The hours available are: Friday evenings (4 - 9 pm) and occasional Tuesday evenings (5 - 9 pm).T

If you are interested in working at Sugar, please send a cover letter and resume to jacq at sugartheshop.com by Friday, November 20th. The cover letter should discuss:

1. why your experience is relevant to working at Sugar

2. why you want to work at Sugar.

**Please make sure that your cover letter includes both of the above**

**No calls please**

**Please send in your resume by Friday. November 20th**

Sex Educators are responsible for answering customers' questions and providing customers with the information they need to make the purchases that are best for them. In addition, SEs run the cash register, stock the store, and ensure that the store is clean and tidy at all times and perform other duties as assigned. These dutes may include: store decoration, workshop instruction and fulfillment of customers orders for shipping.

Required skills:

Computer literacy

Excellent customer service

Able to accurately work with money

Able to lift 50 pounds

Able to work evenings and weekends

Comfort with and acceptance of diverse sexualities

Cultural competency with diverse communities

Knowledge and understanding of queer and gender issues

Commitment to a team environment

A mind that is open to new things and ways of solving problems

Preferred:

Previous experience in sexuality education, counseling and/or retail.

Sugar will provide Sex Educators with:

$11.50 an hour - eligible for $00.50 increase after two successful months

A commitment to a systems oriented work place.

A work place that is respectful and supportive.

A work place that is damn fun!

Sugar is a lesbian owned, women and trans operated, for profit mission driven sex toy store. By providing education and toys in a shame free, sex positive, fun environment we help people of all genders and orientations experience their own unique sexuality with shameless joy and passion.

cheating and...

One of my favorite shows, This American Life, did a show last week on cheating, almost cheating, infidelity and the way those choices play out in people's lives.

It's really good. Check it out.

And, if you're thinking about cheating, think about ending the relationship, or transitioning to an open relationship first. Lying sucks. And ends up hurting everyone.

For more info about open relationships, check out Tristan Taormino's book, Opening Up. Or the Practical Polyamory blog.

My day so far (or my super sexy life)

Last night I was at Midori's super awesome hands on rope bondage class when I saw my phone ringing. In between watching a hot rope bondage demo and learning about different ropes, I ducked down behind the cunt wrap and checked my message. It was G, my friend and the person who walks the dogs when I work late. She wanted to know where the diarrhea medicine was. This is never a good message. And I happened to know that we were out of doggie diarrhea medicine. So I turned back to class and learned how to make a soft and comfy spreader bar out of 25 feet of rope. Brilliant.

I got home to find a note. Two of the three doglets were a little runny. Bella was farting in her kennel. Ok. Nothing I can't handle. In short order, the other two dogs demonstrated that their GI tracts were ok and we all went to bed.

I only had to get up three times in the night to take Bella out. Poor thing.

By morning it was clear that she was going to have to go to work with me, or I was going to have to stay home. There was no way she would be able to make it for more than three hours without a potty break.

So we went to work.

She quickly had an accident in the store. Lovely. But understandable. The store has a (polished) concrete floor. Bella spent three months living in an animal shelter and has yet to be convinced that the store is not, in fact, a large kennel. She doesn't work at the store often because she's still learning her manners, is easily freaked out by things that strangers wouldn't think were scary and responds to this by acting out inappropriately. And she's a pit bull. Which makes the inappropriate acting out scarier for customers than if she was, say, a Pomeranian. But it's Wednesday. The store isn't terribly busy on Wednesdays. And I didn't have any other good options.

In between bouts of diarrhea and deciding that the only place she felt comfortable was on my lap, she growled at a customer. Which meant that she was relegated to the back room as soon as anyone walked in the door. At around 5 a customer walked in and she got stiff. Which is dog for "I'm scared and trying to decide if I need to fight or run".

One of the things I've learned is important when you're working with a dog with issues is to listen to your gut. And my gut was telling me that I was putting a sick dog with emotional issues in a situation that she couldn't handle.

So I closed the store and took the girl home.

Yep, I closed the store because my dog's sick. I wouldn't have done it on a Saturday, or during our busy seasons, but today, I did. And it was the right thing to do. Because when she came home almost a year ago, I promised her I'd do my best. Besides, I'm responsible for everything she puts in her mouth. So it's likely that my choices have something to do with her current discomfort.

She's now cuddled in a ball in her kennel and ready for another dose of doggy homeopathic pepto bismol.

And I've been cuddled in a ball getting a ton of work done.

By the way - I'd suggest NOT feeding your dog a ton of treats that involve dehydrated chicken heart bits (even if it seems like a healthy tasty way to balance out the massive amount of treating involved in reactive dog training), on a day when they also demolish an "edible" beef flavored bone and you suddenly decide it's ok to let the dog eat a bunch of ends from the carrots you're chopping up for the carrot soup you're making. No matter how happy she seems doing all of the above. It may result in an unhappy dog later. And you may lose some sleep

Just sayin...