Condoms - fit matters!

A new study published in the journal, Sexually Transmitted Infections, found that a high percentage of men (44.7%) studied reported "ill fitting condoms". All of these folks were in opposite sex relationships.

These same men reported much higher levels of condom dissatisfaction including breakage and difficulty achieving orgasm. A decent chunk of these folks ended up giving up on the condom and went ahead and had vaginal intercourse condom free, with all of the risks associated with unprotected vaginal/penis intercourse.

Which leads me to this.

In public health, we're trained to show folks that condoms can fit on our heads (and they do). I've told jokes about the silliness of a "large" condom. I've told many people that if someone is saying that a condom doesn't fit he's just looking for an excuse to not use a condom.

I was wrong.

The truth is, like any body part, penises come in all kinds of different shapes and sizes, with delightfully individual curves and tapers. No one condom is going to be comfortable on everyone. And if it's not comfortable, it's not going to get used.

Frankly, that makes perfect sense. We have sex to enjoy pleasure (among a myriad of other things). The condom should be a part of that, not an uncomfortable distraction.

There is a condom out there for everyone.

How do you find it? Well, first of all, if you like to be sexual with people who put condoms on their body parts ask them what condom they prefer. Don't assume that they'll be happy with the brand that someone else likes. If you have a permanently attached penis of your own, experiment! There are literally hundreds of different kinds of condoms out there. Try different brands, shapes and sizes. Try them when you're jacking off so you're prepared later. Don't worry about what size it says on the box. A "small" condom may be the perfect fit for you. Don't worry, it's not actually small, I promise I can still put it on my head.

Please stay away from condoms with spermicides, they actually increase the risk of transmission of sexually transmitted infections. Think about it. Spermicide kills sperm, and sperm are hard to kill, and then you're rubbing that material all of delicate mucus membranes. It causes micro tears and discomfort.

Try condoms that have funky shapes and pouches. Or are latex free. Don't use those lamb skin things unless you and your partner are fluid bonded (lamb skin can prevent pregnancy, but not disease).

Try putting a smidge of water based or silicone lube on the inside.

If your partner tells you that they don't want to use a condom because it's uncomfortable. Listen. They're probably telling the truth. And then find a condom that works for both of you. Because sex is so much hotter when you're protected. And when the condom fits.

repeating the serenity prayer...or living thru the snowpocolypse

The first snow storm, even though it landed on the Saturday before Christmas, the biggest shopping day of the year was cute. I had a panic attack about losing sales, and then settled down with some hot chocolate, my sweet heart, the dogs and cable and enjoyed some enforced quantity time with my family.

Then we had another winter event. It was a just a tid bit of snow, but the roads were truly awful and we had to close early.

Then there was last weekend. Canceled an event and closed early Friday. Got home just in time. Closed Saturday. Closed Sunday. Open yesterday and today. But there's no parking and a lot of the roads are still bad, so not much shopping happening.

You see, Baltimore doesn't have the machinery or systems to deal with this amount of snow efficiently. And why should we? This is the type of storm that comes along once every decade or so. Except that we're getting another one tonight and tomorrow. And we'll probably be closed Wednesday. And Thursday.

I'm repeating the serenity prayer. A lot. Because you see, Sunday is Valentine's Day, and although we do lots of other lovely things, what pays our bills, what keeps our doors open are sales. And Valentine's day is bigger for us than Christmas. Those two holidays are what get us through the skinny months.

Of course, Sugar is hardly alone in this. Everyone I know in retail is a bit scared. Unless you own a grocery store or a snow removal business, this past week has been brutal to our bottom lines.

Why am I telling you this? Because I have a request.

This weekend, and in the next several weeks, keep your dollars local. Shop at locally owned stores. Eat at local restaurants. Get your hair did. Every dollar you choose to spend at a small business helps keep us afloat through this snowy mess. Of course, don't spend more than you can afford, but if you can open your wallet, do it.

It's not just businesses that are losing money in these storms, it's individuals too. If you have the kind of job that still pays you when you can't get to work because of the snow, think about your friends that work hourly and aren't getting paid while they are sitting at home trapped in their house, take them out to dinner, find a sweet and subtle way to buy them a gas card, or a gift certificate to the grocery store, or help them get to work.

I've seen countless acts of kindness in the past few days. Neighbors digging each other out, bringing each other food. My neighbor volunteers at BARCs (the local shelter that Bella came from) and last Saturday morning she hiked thru the snow to catch a ride to the shelter. A total stranger gave my wife a ride to close to the train station (thanks Fernando!). Another Hampden merchant let me park my car in her lot so that I could open the store (our lot is almost impassable). It's amazing. And I'm so grateful.

Let's keep this caring going for a while after the snow stops. I think we're all going to need it.

Vajazzle!

So, the other day on the George Lopez show, a topic that deserves attention was introduced.

The vajazzle.

Apparently, one or more salons have started to apply Swarovski crystals after a bikini wax.

At first I thought this was strange.

I was picturing blinged labia. And that sounded itchy and uncomfortable. It also seemed like the crystals would come off during fucking and end up in the vagina. Which could be seriously irritating. But i appreciated the sentiment. Glitter is good.

In fact, if there is one axiom I live by it's that. Glitter is good. And pit bulls. And my snuggie. And knitting. And my Gigi. And my wife.

Ok, it's among other things, but glitter is up there.

Since someone was glittering something I wasn't, I did a little bit of digging.

The spa that's getting the most attention for this is called Completely Bare. It's a NYC spa dedicated to hair removal of all types, including a brazilian style bikini wax followed by the application of:

a Swarovski crystal tattoo design in starburst, butterfly, heart and other shapes.

Suddenly this made sense. The crystals go above the pussy on the pubic mound where the hair just was. This could be itchy as well, but, SPARKLY! And, well, I WANT IT.

Glitter just above the pussy. In a cute little pattern.

Such things give me hope for the world. Tear.

Donating to Haiti in Hampden

On Monday, January 18th, Martin Luther King day, multiple businesses in Hampden will be donating a portion of sales to Haitian relief efforts.

The following businesses will be participating (check back as more may be added):

Sugar - donating 10% of sales to CARE

Red Tree - donating % to CARE

Earth Alley

Breathe Books

Doubledutch ***10% off AND 10% to CARE or Doctors Without Borders SATURDAY and SUNDAY (not Monday)

Edye Sanford - a ready to wear and custom clothing website based in Hampden will be donating 10% of ready to wear sales and 5% of custom sales thru the end of January.

I selected CARE by going thru the four star ratings on Charity Navigator (a online site that has reviews financial reports of charitable organizations) and looking at agencies that had well established services in Haiti before the earthquake and also had experience in disastor relief. Lastly, I chose CARE because in addition to medical services, they also are engaged in emergency food delivery.

Please support Haiti in whatever manner you are able. This is a nation that was already facing massive challenges including severe food inadequacy and high rates of HIV.

Thanks for your support!

The G-Spot and some shoddy science across the pond

**warning: snarky**

ok, so, the Brits have announced with great fuss that there is no G-Spot.

Well, my G-Spot and I would like to respectfully disagree.

First of all, the study was conducted in a manner that doesn't make any sense. If you are looking for an anatomical structure that some folks have difficulty in finding, and many are unaware of, how would you go about doing that? Why by asking folks to tell you if they have one.

Seriously.

That's what they did. The study is not based on any type of hands on, actually scientific method. It was a survey. They did attempt to make the survey more "sciency" by asking twins the questions. Under the assumption that if one twin had identified her G-Spot the other necessarily would have as well. Which is a bad assumption. Because it assumes that the twins also have identical sexual histories. Which would be weird. And frankly a bit creepy.

And this study that claimed to find no G-Spot? Yep, 56% of women in the study said they had one. You heard that, 56%. But the opinions of those women were discounted because they were among women that were younger and more sexually active. Gee, the folks who have had more sex were more aware of their body structures? Huh, shocking.

And the woman who led the survey? She claims to have started the survey to:

remove feelings of “inadequacy or underachievement” that might affect women who feared they lacked a G-spot.

No bias there.

So here's the deal. The G-Spot exists. It is the urethral sponge and surrounds the urethras of folks who were identified female at birth. It is not the holy grail. People can have wonderful fabulous sex lives without ever intentionally playing with their G-Spot. Some folks don't like to have their G-Spots stimulated. Others do.

And, Andrea Burri, the researcher who headed up this study, I'll make an offer. With your permission and informed consent, I'd be happy to show you where your G-Spot is. And please stop with the shoddy science.

Here's a link to the article about the survey.

The paper of record and pronouns...

On January 3rd, the NY Times published an article about the US Evangelical's role in the new Ugandan law that establishes the death penalty for homosexual behavior. Overall the article was interesting, but I had some problems with how they dealt with two folks that are transgender.

here's a link to the article:

US Evangelical's Seen in Ugandan Anti-Gay Push

And here's the letter, I just wrote the NYT in response:

In the explanation under a photo of Nikki Mawanda on the website at 10:55 am 1/4/10, he was referred to as "born female but lives as a 'trans-man' "

That description is incorrect. Trans-man should not have quotation marks (in fact in Websters the term is transman with no hyphen). It is not an uncommon term, and it is how he defines his gender. Quotation marks would not be placed around how he identifies his ethnicity, his political affiliation or just about anything else. By putting quotation marks around the term he uses to define his gender, it sets the term off and implies it is a slang term. Which it is not.

Later in the article Stosh Mugisha was referred to as she, even though the information under the photo of Mugisha stated that "Stosh Mugisha is going through transition to become a man". It is likely, this person would prefer the pronoun he and/or no pronouns at all. Was she the pronoun that Mugisha stated as their pronoun of preference? Or was the question never asked?

In the stylebook supplement put together by the NLGJA, transgendered terms are addressed:

transgender (adj.): An umbrella term that refers to people whose biological and gender identity or expression may not be the same. This can but does not necessarily include preoperative, postoperative or nonoperative transsexuals, female and male cross-dressers, drag queens or kings, female or male impersonators, and intersex individuals. When writing about a transgender person, use the name and personal pronouns that are consistent with the way the individual lives publicly. When possible, ask which term the subject prefers.

As you know, words and language are very powerful, especially in terms of how people define themselves. What does the NYT stylebook say on the matter? Is this matter addressed?

Thank you

Jacq Jones

Seriously, what do we have to do to get news organizations to refer to folks by their chosen pronouns? And yes, I know that Mr. Mawanda should have been referred to as "identified female at birth", but I chose to use the stylebook from the NLGJA to back me up and they aren't there yet. Using journalists seemed a way that might actually get action

It's not rocket science.

Want to send a letter yourself? Here's the email address:

nytnews@nytimes.com

And here's a link to the NLGJA stylebook (the National Lesbian and Gay Journalist Association)

Gi-Ki Review!

So, last week(ish), I got Je Joue's new toy, the Gi-Ki in the mail.

And I have to say, other toys by Je Joue have been a bit overly fussy, perhaps shooting for greatness and ending up confusing (see the original Je Joue - remember the one that you could create patterns of vibration and play lists of vibration on your computer and down load? or today's Sasi?). But here, they went for simple and smart. And they hit the mark.

It's a vibrator, covered in silicone with multiple patterns of vibration. It has a lovely bulb at the top, perfect for g-spotting. It's rechargable (the charger attaches by magnet. which for some reason strikes me as super sexy and clean). It's waterproof.

But here's the kicker.

It bends.

In two places.

So you can adjust it to better get your (or your partner's) g-spot.

Or you can essentially have it fold in half and get clitoral and g-spot stimulation at the same time.

Kind of brilliant.

The Gi-Ki fills a unique nitch in the vibrator market. There's nothing else that does all of these things. The Gigi does brilliant g-spotting OR clitoral stimulation, but not both and not under water. The We-Vibe2 does both g-spotting and clitoral stimulation, but it's not adjustable, and you can't unfold it and use it for some good fucking (although you can - and should - wear that We-Vibe2 while you're getting fucked).

The vibration is good and would work well for most folks and has the capacity to change in intensity, although you can't change intensity within patterns.

And, at least on initial use, it was difficult for me to adjust bendy part on the fly. I needed two hands.

Keep your ears peeled - we'll be carrying this guy as soon as it's available.

It comes in black or purple. I'll probably only carry one color. And I'm leaning toward black. Any suggestions?