Monday, October 21, 2013

Fisting Day!

Welcome to Sugar's celebration of Fisting Day.

Fisting Day is one of our favorite holidays. We get to celebrate a deeply sexy and somewhat under utilized sexual act. AND talk about why on earth it's an act that is banned from US pornography.

Seriously, 3 dicks in one vagina? That's a-ok. One little tiny fist in that same vagina? Call the Supreme Court! Obscenity is occurring!

Seriously, fisting is considered to be "obscene" and most mainstream porn studios won't consider putting it in their films in fear of an obscenity charge. There are a few feminist pornographers that are testing the waters and have been able to include fisting. Personally, because fisting is something that is associated with "Gay Sex", I think homophobia is the only reason that it's been on the banned list. There's nothing extra scary or dangerous about fisting. In fact, when done correctly, it's a very sexy, fun and low risk activity. It's not going to cause a pregnancy and it's unlikely to spread STIs. Especially if a glove is used. For more info about fisting and porn and links to fisting inclusive porn go to Jiz Lee's blog (definitely NSFW).

So let's talk about fisting. Fisting is when a person inserts their entire hand past the knuckles into someone's vagina or butt (occasionally mouth). The hand may be formed into a fist after it's inside the body. Or not. The fister may engage in a bunch of back and forth movement. Or not.

People choose to engage in fisting for all of the reasons that they choose sexual activities. It feels good. It's taboo. It's intimate and super connected. It creates a big sensation of fullness.

Some folks choose to avoid it for all of the reasons people avoid certain sexual activities. It hasn't occurred to them. They tried it once an didn't like it. They only like it with certain sized hands.

Fisting can be lovely. And, like any sexual activity, it helps if you know a little bit about what you're doing. And if you use the Magic Sexual Super Star Powers of: lubrication and communication.

To fist a vagina.

First, you will need both a vagina and a fist. Preferably a fist on one person, a vagina on another (although I have seen someone fist herself, you may not want to start there, in fact, it's most likely that you don't bend that way.).

Then, you need to establish clear consent and boundaries with both parties. Since fisting is an activity that requires a fair amount of communication, I'd highly encourage you to enter into it sober.

If your are the Fister, examine your hands. If you have nails that you can feel beyond your finger pads, hang nails or rough skin, put on a glove. If the vagina having person is new to you, put on a glove. If you're camping, put on a glove. In general, just put on a damn nitirle or latex glove. If you have long nails. put  cotton ball on the tip of each nail and then put your hand in the glove. Gloves are good.

Provide the person with the vagina with a ton of their favorite kind of stimulation, or Fistee, provide yourself with a ton of your favorite stimulation. Whatever it is. It's usually a good idea for the Fistee to have an orgasm or two before you try the full hand. Get those muscles relaxed.

Next, when the person with the vagina is ready, insert one well lubricated finger into the vagina. Add additional fingers with additional lube at their request. Keep that lube bottle close by. There may come a time later in this activity where it's difficult for the Fistee to talk. Pay close attention to how lubricated your hand and their vagina appears. If it looks like it's possible that things are drying out a little, add more lube. Fisting with not enough lube can cause tearing in the vaginal tissue. No one wants that. This is especially important to pay attention to if the Fistee is Peri-Menopausal or beyond or if the Fistee is a person who is on or has been on testosterone for gender reassignment. You also need to take extra care and do extra massaging with someone who has had genital surgery (like a hysterectomy or construction of a vagina in a woman of trans experience)

Fisting can be an activity where silicone lube is a good plan. Silicone lube won't evaporate or be absorbed by the skin. So, you'll be able to use less of it. Which is handy. Because you can then focus more of your attention on the person that you're fisting.

Once you are at the point of having four fingers in the Fistee's vagina, you're at the tricky part, the broadest part of the hand. Clearly, hand sizes vary greatly and the amount of stimulation an individual vagina likes varies greatly. Some hands will fit more easily in some vaginas than others. The person receiving the stimulation is always, always in control. If they say, "No, too much, too big". They're telling the truth. Will your hand always be too much for that person? Maybe. Maybe not. But what matters is that you share with each other what's ok in that moment. If fisting isn't it, move on to something else equally delightful.

When the Fistee gives you the go ahead, pull those four fingers out just a little, squish them together a little and put your thumb in the middle.

Like this:

Then add more lube.

With the Fistees consent, press your hand into the vagina up to just before the bridge of the hand (right before the last row of knuckles). In most cases, it works best for the open part of your hand to be facing away from the Fistees butt and toward the front of their body. If the Fistee disagrees, listen to them.

The Fistee needs to focus and breathe at this point. It is totally possible to accommodate a hand in one's vagina. It might not happen in this moment, it might. All of those options are exactly what's good for right now. Breathe and enjoy the sensation. When you're ready, ask for more.

The Fister now waits. Say things to the Fistee that help them relax. At the Fistees direction, start to apply gentle pressure with your hand. Be patient. At some point you will feel the muscles relax and you will slide in. Because the thumb has an extra bumpy part separate and lower than the bridge of your hand, it often helps to gently rock your hand back and forth as you are sliding in. Once you are past the thumb, things tend to move more quickly toward the wrist.

Now, you both rest for a bit. The sensation of having someone's hand inside you or of having your entire hand inside of someone is different than any other sensation. Like any new sensation, it can feel overwhelming. Give yourselves a moment, or ten, to taste those new feelings. This may be all you want. Or you may decide to do more.

If you want to do more, you have plenty of options. Try moving the arm back and forth slowly or with some speed. Try rearranging your hand like this:

Or like this:

Or like this:

Each of those will create very different sensations. See what feels good.

And play.

If the Fistee has an orgasm while the Fister's hand is inside of them, the two may find that the Fister's hand feels trapped. Or that there is a strong tension around the vaginal opening on the Fister's wrist. Do not panic. After an orgasm, it is normal for muscles to tense before they relax. They will relax. Yelling "Give me back my hand!" will not help. So wait, enjoy each other, and then, as the muscles relax, very, very gently pull your hand out. This may need to happen in a gradual manner.

More next time on anal fisting! In the meantime, for good anal fisting info, check out Laura Anne Stewart's article.

In celebration of Fisting Day, we'll be giving
everyone 10% off gloves and lube in the store. We'd love to give you 10% off on the web site, but it doesn't do that yet. We're working on it!

Friday, October 18, 2013

Sugar is Hiring an Office Assistant

We're hiring an Office Assistant to help us with paper work and other important things in the back. There is a possibility, although absolutely not a requirement, that the person hired could also be trained to work as an on-call Sex Educator with more regular hours over the holidays (Winter and Valentines).

The position requires around 10 hours a week. The days and times worked can be flexible, but some daytime, weekday hours are preferred. Pay is $12 an hour (starts at 11.50, goes to $12 after 60 days).

In order to apply, please submit a cover letter and resume to . In the cover letter, please include why you want to work at Sugar and how your past experience is relevant to this position. The application process closes at noon on Wednesday, October 23rd. Applications received after that time will not be considered. No phone calls please.

We're looking forward to meeting our new team member!

Office Assistant

The Office Assistant works to support both the Management Team and the Sex Educators of Sugar by overseeing the supportive details of the back office.

Skills and Requirements
-       A passion for Sugar’s mission
-       Experience with office support work
-       Computer literacy
-       Attention to detail
-       Ability to lift up to 50 pounds
-       Maintain store/office supply stock
Including: chalk, bags, stamps, pens, go cards, stickers, etc.
-       Make deposits at least twice a week
o   Provide weekly cash reports
-       Do vendor returns on a bi-weekly basis
-       Filing and office organization
-       Quick Books data entry
-       Reconcile all invoices with Quick Books
o   Alert manager to any discrepancies
o   Follow up as directed by manager
-       Sort mail
-       Other duties as assigned



Sugar is a lesbian owned, multi-gender operated, for profit, mission driven sex toy store.  By providing education and toys in a shame free, sex positive, fun environment we help people of all genders and orientations experience their own unique sexuality with shameless joy and passion. 


A world in which healthy sexuality is respected and celebrated in all of its diversity.


Sugar believes that sex between consenting adults is sacred, powerful and fun and should be celebrated and honored.  By providing quality education and toys in a sex positive, fun atmosphere, we will help foster healthy sexuality.  In order to provide our customers with impeccable customer service we strive to create a work environment that is healthy and supportive of each and every member of the Sugar team.  Sugar also works to exist in the environment in a way that is sustainable and responsible.

Sugar provides equal employment opportunities (EEO) to all employees and applicants for employment without regard to race, color, religion, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, national origin, age, disability, genetic information, marital status, amnesty, or status as a covered veteran in accordance with applicable federal, state and local laws. Sugar complies with applicable state and local laws governing non-discrimination in employment. This policy applies to all terms and conditions of employment, including, but not limited to, hiring, placement, promotion, termination, layoff, recall, transfer, leaves of absence, compensation, and training.
Sugar expressly prohibits any form of unlawful employee harassment based on race, color, religion, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, national origin, age, genetic information, disability, or veteran status. Improper interference with the ability of Sugar’s employees to perform their expected job duties is absolutely not tolerated.