Monday, October 21, 2013

Fisting Day!

Welcome to Sugar's celebration of Fisting Day.

Fisting Day is one of our favorite holidays. We get to celebrate a deeply sexy and somewhat under utilized sexual act. AND talk about why on earth it's an act that is banned from US pornography.

Seriously, 3 dicks in one vagina? That's a-ok. One little tiny fist in that same vagina? Call the Supreme Court! Obscenity is occurring!

Seriously, fisting is considered to be "obscene" and most mainstream porn studios won't consider putting it in their films in fear of an obscenity charge. There are a few feminist pornographers that are testing the waters and have been able to include fisting. Personally, because fisting is something that is associated with "Gay Sex", I think homophobia is the only reason that it's been on the banned list. There's nothing extra scary or dangerous about fisting. In fact, when done correctly, it's a very sexy, fun and low risk activity. It's not going to cause a pregnancy and it's unlikely to spread STIs. Especially if a glove is used. For more info about fisting and porn and links to fisting inclusive porn go to Jiz Lee's blog (definitely NSFW).

So let's talk about fisting. Fisting is when a person inserts their entire hand past the knuckles into someone's vagina or butt (occasionally mouth). The hand may be formed into a fist after it's inside the body. Or not. The fister may engage in a bunch of back and forth movement. Or not.

People choose to engage in fisting for all of the reasons that they choose sexual activities. It feels good. It's taboo. It's intimate and super connected. It creates a big sensation of fullness.

Some folks choose to avoid it for all of the reasons people avoid certain sexual activities. It hasn't occurred to them. They tried it once an didn't like it. They only like it with certain sized hands.

Fisting can be lovely. And, like any sexual activity, it helps if you know a little bit about what you're doing. And if you use the Magic Sexual Super Star Powers of: lubrication and communication.

To fist a vagina.

First, you will need both a vagina and a fist. Preferably a fist on one person, a vagina on another (although I have seen someone fist herself, you may not want to start there, in fact, it's most likely that you don't bend that way.).

Then, you need to establish clear consent and boundaries with both parties. Since fisting is an activity that requires a fair amount of communication, I'd highly encourage you to enter into it sober.

If your are the Fister, examine your hands. If you have nails that you can feel beyond your finger pads, hang nails or rough skin, put on a glove. If the vagina having person is new to you, put on a glove. If you're camping, put on a glove. In general, just put on a damn nitirle or latex glove. If you have long nails. put  cotton ball on the tip of each nail and then put your hand in the glove. Gloves are good.

Provide the person with the vagina with a ton of their favorite kind of stimulation, or Fistee, provide yourself with a ton of your favorite stimulation. Whatever it is. It's usually a good idea for the Fistee to have an orgasm or two before you try the full hand. Get those muscles relaxed.

Next, when the person with the vagina is ready, insert one well lubricated finger into the vagina. Add additional fingers with additional lube at their request. Keep that lube bottle close by. There may come a time later in this activity where it's difficult for the Fistee to talk. Pay close attention to how lubricated your hand and their vagina appears. If it looks like it's possible that things are drying out a little, add more lube. Fisting with not enough lube can cause tearing in the vaginal tissue. No one wants that. This is especially important to pay attention to if the Fistee is Peri-Menopausal or beyond or if the Fistee is a person who is on or has been on testosterone for gender reassignment. You also need to take extra care and do extra massaging with someone who has had genital surgery (like a hysterectomy or construction of a vagina in a woman of trans experience)

Fisting can be an activity where silicone lube is a good plan. Silicone lube won't evaporate or be absorbed by the skin. So, you'll be able to use less of it. Which is handy. Because you can then focus more of your attention on the person that you're fisting.

Once you are at the point of having four fingers in the Fistee's vagina, you're at the tricky part, the broadest part of the hand. Clearly, hand sizes vary greatly and the amount of stimulation an individual vagina likes varies greatly. Some hands will fit more easily in some vaginas than others. The person receiving the stimulation is always, always in control. If they say, "No, too much, too big". They're telling the truth. Will your hand always be too much for that person? Maybe. Maybe not. But what matters is that you share with each other what's ok in that moment. If fisting isn't it, move on to something else equally delightful.


When the Fistee gives you the go ahead, pull those four fingers out just a little, squish them together a little and put your thumb in the middle.

Like this:



Then add more lube.

With the Fistees consent, press your hand into the vagina up to just before the bridge of the hand (right before the last row of knuckles). In most cases, it works best for the open part of your hand to be facing away from the Fistees butt and toward the front of their body. If the Fistee disagrees, listen to them.

The Fistee needs to focus and breathe at this point. It is totally possible to accommodate a hand in one's vagina. It might not happen in this moment, it might. All of those options are exactly what's good for right now. Breathe and enjoy the sensation. When you're ready, ask for more.

The Fister now waits. Say things to the Fistee that help them relax. At the Fistees direction, start to apply gentle pressure with your hand. Be patient. At some point you will feel the muscles relax and you will slide in. Because the thumb has an extra bumpy part separate and lower than the bridge of your hand, it often helps to gently rock your hand back and forth as you are sliding in. Once you are past the thumb, things tend to move more quickly toward the wrist.

Now, you both rest for a bit. The sensation of having someone's hand inside you or of having your entire hand inside of someone is different than any other sensation. Like any new sensation, it can feel overwhelming. Give yourselves a moment, or ten, to taste those new feelings. This may be all you want. Or you may decide to do more.

If you want to do more, you have plenty of options. Try moving the arm back and forth slowly or with some speed. Try rearranging your hand like this:




Or like this:





Or like this:





Each of those will create very different sensations. See what feels good.

And play.

If the Fistee has an orgasm while the Fister's hand is inside of them, the two may find that the Fister's hand feels trapped. Or that there is a strong tension around the vaginal opening on the Fister's wrist. Do not panic. After an orgasm, it is normal for muscles to tense before they relax. They will relax. Yelling "Give me back my hand!" will not help. So wait, enjoy each other, and then, as the muscles relax, very, very gently pull your hand out. This may need to happen in a gradual manner.

More next time on anal fisting! In the meantime, for good anal fisting info, check out Laura Anne Stewart's article.

In celebration of Fisting Day, we'll be giving
everyone 10% off gloves and lube in the store. We'd love to give you 10% off on the web site, but it doesn't do that yet. We're working on it!

Friday, October 18, 2013

Sugar is Hiring an Office Assistant

We're hiring an Office Assistant to help us with paper work and other important things in the back. There is a possibility, although absolutely not a requirement, that the person hired could also be trained to work as an on-call Sex Educator with more regular hours over the holidays (Winter and Valentines).

The position requires around 10 hours a week. The days and times worked can be flexible, but some daytime, weekday hours are preferred. Pay is $12 an hour (starts at 11.50, goes to $12 after 60 days).

In order to apply, please submit a cover letter and resume to jacq@sugartheshop.com . In the cover letter, please include why you want to work at Sugar and how your past experience is relevant to this position. The application process closes at noon on Wednesday, October 23rd. Applications received after that time will not be considered. No phone calls please.

We're looking forward to meeting our new team member!


Office Assistant

The Office Assistant works to support both the Management Team and the Sex Educators of Sugar by overseeing the supportive details of the back office.

Skills and Requirements
-       A passion for Sugar’s mission
-       Experience with office support work
-       Computer literacy
-       Attention to detail
-       Ability to lift up to 50 pounds
-       Maintain store/office supply stock
Including: chalk, bags, stamps, pens, go cards, stickers, etc.
-       Make deposits at least twice a week
o   Provide weekly cash reports
-       Do vendor returns on a bi-weekly basis
-       Filing and office organization
-       Quick Books data entry
-       Reconcile all invoices with Quick Books
o   Alert manager to any discrepancies
o   Follow up as directed by manager
-       Sort mail
-       Other duties as assigned

 

Mission

Sugar is a lesbian owned, multi-gender operated, for profit, mission driven sex toy store.  By providing education and toys in a shame free, sex positive, fun environment we help people of all genders and orientations experience their own unique sexuality with shameless joy and passion. 

Vision

A world in which healthy sexuality is respected and celebrated in all of its diversity.

Values

Sugar believes that sex between consenting adults is sacred, powerful and fun and should be celebrated and honored.  By providing quality education and toys in a sex positive, fun atmosphere, we will help foster healthy sexuality.  In order to provide our customers with impeccable customer service we strive to create a work environment that is healthy and supportive of each and every member of the Sugar team.  Sugar also works to exist in the environment in a way that is sustainable and responsible.

Sugar provides equal employment opportunities (EEO) to all employees and applicants for employment without regard to race, color, religion, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, national origin, age, disability, genetic information, marital status, amnesty, or status as a covered veteran in accordance with applicable federal, state and local laws. Sugar complies with applicable state and local laws governing non-discrimination in employment. This policy applies to all terms and conditions of employment, including, but not limited to, hiring, placement, promotion, termination, layoff, recall, transfer, leaves of absence, compensation, and training.
Sugar expressly prohibits any form of unlawful employee harassment based on race, color, religion, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, national origin, age, genetic information, disability, or veteran status. Improper interference with the ability of Sugar’s employees to perform their expected job duties is absolutely not tolerated.

Monday, September 30, 2013

Sugar is hiring an Assistant Manager


**********
-->
Assistant Manager
Job Description

The Assistant Manager is responsible for exceling as a Sex Educator, supporting other Sex Educators in their positions and supporting the Manager in daily operations, purchasing and reporting. 
-->As a Sex Educator, the Assistant Manager is responsible for answering customers’ questions, using active listening skills to determine the customer’s concerns and needs, providing customers with the information they require to make the purchases that are best for them and/or providing customers with referrals to other community organizations, stores or healthcare providers if Sugar is not able to meet their needs.  In addition, SEs process sales in the POS system, stock the store and maintain information in the Inventory Control system, ensure that the store is clean and tidy at all times, fulfill customer orders for shipping and perform other duties as assigned.  These duties may include:  store decoration, workshop instruction and/or special events. The Assistant Manager works as part of the team to provide customers with the highest level of customer service and to ensure that the mission of Sugar is consistently at the forefront of all decisions in the store and visible in all aspects of the business

Daily functions include performing all duties of the Sex Educator position in addition to Assistant Manager functions.

Skills and Requirements:
-       A passion for Sugar’s mission
-       Experience in retail sales, customer service, reproductive health care or education
-       Expertise in retail store operations
-       Computer literacy
-       Excellent sales and customer service skills
-       Ability to think strategically and use systems based thinking
-       Able to work evenings and weekends
-       Able to lift up to 50 lbs
-       Comfort with and acceptance of diverse sexualities
-       Cultural competency with diverse communities
-       Knowledge and understanding of queer and gender issues
-       Commitment to a team environment
-       A mind that is open to new things and ways of solving problems

Preferred skills:
-       Previous supervisory experience
-       Previous experience with Point of Sale systems

Responsibilities
-       Perform all Sex Educator responsibilities
-       Merchandising
o   Work with the Manager to develop in store visual promotions plan in concert with overall store marketing plan
o   Update and change displays in store at least monthly
o   Work with manager to continually refine and improve store appearance.
-       Staff
o   Assist manager with hiring, staff support and staff training
o   Oversee staff scheduling
o   Maintain an open flow of information and education in the store between manager and sex educators
o   Support Manager in fostering a supportive, systems based environment that enables the team to achieve store goals and objectives
-       Purchasing
o   Spot check inventory levels weekly by department (each department checked at least monthly)
o   Assist manager with purchasing and receiving
-       Education
o   Assist manager with staff training
o   Coordinate private workshops
o   Assist manager with scheduling and running public workshops
-       Maintain all retail floor reporting paper work and supply to Manager
-       Support Manager in maintaining profitability in all areas, including, sales, operations, and customer service
-       Research and suggest new products to manager
-       Act as Manager On Duty when manager is unavailable.
-       Other duties as assigned


30  hours a week (approximately 25 hours working the floor, 5 hours off the floor)
Includes all benefits and responsibilities of Sex Educator position

Sugar will provide the Assistant Manager with:
$14 an hour – eligible for a $1 increase after two successful months of employment
A commitment to a systems oriented work place.
A work place that is respectful and supportive.



Mission

Sugar is a lesbian owned, multi-gender operated, for profit, mission driven sex toy store.  By providing education and toys in a shame free, sex positive, fun environment we help people of all genders and orientations experience their own unique sexuality with shameless joy and passion. 

Vision

A world in which healthy sexuality is respected and celebrated in all of its diversity.

Values

Sugar believes that sex between consenting adults is sacred, powerful and fun and should be celebrated and honored.  By providing quality education and toys in a sex positive, fun atmosphere, we will help foster healthy sexuality.  In order to provide our customers with impeccable customer service we strive to create a work environment that is healthy and supportive of each and every member of the Sugar team.  Sugar also works to exist in the environment in a way that is sustainable and responsible.

****** 


To apply, please submit a cover letter and resume to jacq@sugartheshop.com. The cover letter must include both how your experience is related to this position and why you want to work at Sugar. 

Applications must be received by Noon on Monday, October 7th






Sunday, September 29, 2013

Build-A-Vibe!!

Twice a year I go to Vegas for the International Lingerie Show. The trade show features lingerie and adult toys. Distributors and manufacturers have booths and buyers (like me) roam the floor looking for products to buy for their stores and websites. It's a place where you can find the newest products, build relationships and learn about what's coming out next. Most importantly, it means that we get to hold the new products in our hands, turn them on and beg manufacturers for testers. It's also a place where the really good manufacturers solicit feedback on their products. One of these manufacturers is Crave.

You may have seen their products at Sugar. They make the Duet and Solo - two high powered, waterproof, super sleek USB charging vibes. You can pull these vibes apart and charge the bottom part in your computer and no one will know it's not a jump drive.

The Duet came out about two years ago. When it first came out, several of us retailers and reviewers had some complaints about the design. Guess what. They listened. Asked questions. Showed us options. And quickly changed the vibe. Since then, I've had a soft spot for Crave. Was their choice to listen and make changes based on feedback a good business decision? Of course it was. But doing so takes a sense of humility and openness that's hard to find. And the best toy designers have it.

Crave assembles their products in house in San Francisco. That enables them to have a high level of quality. Sometimes they bring their assembly set up with them. They had their build-a-vibe station in their booth at ILS.
Of course, I happily signed up. Accompanied by Crave's head engineer, I took all of the components of the Duet vibe and put them together with my own hands. It was fascinating. The motor had already gone through most of it's tests before it arrived in Vegas. Before assembly, each motor is run for over an hour and each battery is tested as well.

With my tested parts in my tray, it was time to start. First, I picked up the motor, put the silicone sleeve over the motor, put the mother board in the case, cranked the case shut, and then tested each part for waterproofness. One part failed. Which was cool. I got to see how the part was checked to determine where the failure was. We figured out that the silicone sleeve had a tiny leak somewhere. Once the sleeve was replaced, and passed the test I had a brand new vibrator in my hand.


One of the things that I love about this industry is how many different skill sets are needed to make it work. We need engineers (Greg who owns nJoy used to design metal bicycle parts), supply chains, entrepreneurs (Michael, the founder of Crave used to own a company that made underwater cameras), educators, chemists, marketers, authors, graphic designers, retailers. There is so much work, creativity and passion needed to bring a good product to market. And at the end, if everything works well, it makes orgasms.

Damn. What a privilege to be a part of that process.

And. New fabulous vibrator. Assembled by me.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Friday, June 28, 2013

Judging a Pole Dance Competition

A few weeks ago, I was asked to be one of five judges at Scores' 2nd Annual Pole Dancing Competition. I was super excited and a little bit concerned. I'd attended the competition last year. If the field was anything like last year - judging was going to be tough. These women are amazing athletes and artists.

Full disclosure: I spent a year working as a House Mom at Scores. It was a great experience and I have a huge soft spot for everyone there from the owners to the bar backs, but especially the performers. A House Mom is a person (not always female) who hangs out in the dressing room, makes sure the dancers have what they need to perform, fixes costumes, listens when someone's
having a bad night, celebrates when the night is good, provides support through life transitions (moving, parenthood, new relationships, starting college, finishing a masters, and of course, break ups), badgers dancers when they're late, does everything possible to keep the peace in the dressing room including watching money and last but not least, narcs out someone who's too drunk to work/drive home or is using other substances. Many of the performers are young enough to be my daughter and they all call(ed) me Mom. And trust me. I'm a pretty protective mama. But I knew I could be impartial. I'm a pretty fair person.

So, after some going around and around about what to wear (see pic), I showed up at Scores. It was so fun to see everyone. I miss them a lot. And then, it was time for the competition to begin. Luckily for me, none of the women who had worked there when I was there were competing. In fact, most of the competitors were from the Pole Dancing world, not the stripping world. Stripping as a job is actually not very much about the individual's performance on the pole or stage. It's more a job that's focused on sales and building a relationship with the individual customer. Some dancers choose to really go for it on stage, and an amazing stage show can bring in some serious cash, but it's the regular customers and the champagne rooms that really pay the rent. While there certainly is overlap, competitive Pole Dancing is a whole other thing. There are rules - like no nudity. One of my fellow judges, LuLu  was on America's Got Talent! Pole Dancing is, to me, a hybrid of dance, gymnastics, flexibility and sheer strength. Some competitions include people of multiple genders:



but this one was just women (not this woman - but she's amazing).


And so were the competitors at Scores. They were all good. There were incredible athletic feats and moments of sheer beauty. As an athlete and a dancer, I appreciated both. Several women scaled the pole UPSIDE DOWN. One women performed in a blindfold. Which had me and my fellow judges ducking and grabbing for our drinks a little bit. But what really got me were the performers who created a dance with the pole, not just on it. It was a gift. The winner did Gloria Estefan proud with a routine to Conga.

All in all, it was a super fun night. I wish I could share pictures, but one of the rules of the strip club - no photos. Some customers and some performers don't want their images shared for lots of very legitimate reasons. Not least of which is the stigma associated with working as a stripper (that's another blog). But, if you have a chance to go next year - trust me. You want to go. In the meantime, if you're looking for a strip club in the Baltimore area, I highly recommend Scores. Just make sure you tip well and that you're nice. Cause otherwise, well, Mama might have something to say.

Monday, June 24, 2013

A Weekend in Miami with about 600 sex geeks

A few weekends ago, while the rest of the staff managed Hon Fest, I was off at the American Association of Sex Educator's, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Miami. From Friday through Sunday I attended sessions on topics ranging from Sexual Side Effects From Prostate Cancer Treatment, Strategies for Managing Pelvic Pain, to Healing for Healers and Orgasmic Meditation. It was fabulous. And a smidge exhausting.

First, getting there was a bit of fiasco. I showed up two hours early for my flight out of BWI. As I do, because being late for flights makes me super nervous. I was happily at the gate and working away on my lap top for my on time flight when the announcements started. The plane that we was to take us out of BWI, hit a bird on the way in and bent a fan in the engine. After constant announcements and two hours they finally figured out that the thing was unflyable. And they didn't have another plane. So, flight canceled.

After being offered several rather crappy rescheduling options, I got a chance to practice asking for what I want and having firm boundaries. Which resulted in a direct flight on another airline. I got to Miami late that evening. From door to door, the whole thing took about 12 hours. It turns out I was lucky. A tropical storm had been making it's way up the coast. The Miami airport was a mess, people sleeping, playing cards, waiting to have their flights rescheduled. I thanked my lucky stars that I'd made it.

Next morning bright and early, I was at the conference.

In this field there are essentially five kinds of conferences:
AASECT is the latter type. So I was surrounded primarily by sex therapists, counselors, researchers, and physicians. When I go to a kink conference, an adult industry trade show or a bloggers conference, I see five people I know within the first few minutes of walking in the door. Not so much at AASECT. My shyness kicked in.You see, I can get a bit nervous around folks I don't know that I don't have a reason to talk to. In the store, I'm perfectly happy talking to strangers all day. At a cocktail party where I don't know anyone? I'm highly likely to hide in the corner. So I took a deep breath, stayed quite and went to a workshop on pelvic pain.

By the end of the weekend, I'd found folks I knew (waving at you Charlie Glickman & Princess Kali!), ran into an colleague that I last worked with 1998 (I'd missed her!) and made some new friends. More importantly, my brain was packed full of new information that I'm thoroughly excited about sharing with you and new ways of thinking about things that I already knew.

Here's a few of the highlights:
  • Flossing can help your sexual function - it helps reduce inflammation, inflammation impedes blood flow, blood flow is the core of our physiological sexual response
  • Vibration can help break up scar tissue (U of WI is about to release a study demonstrating this)
  • Orgasmic meditation is fascinating and new research is indicating it can actually change (and improve) brain function
  • Lifestyle choices, like diet, exercise and meditation are key to our sexual health and function. I'd been thinking about this a lot before the conference, especially in relation to the significant impact that lifestyle choices have our sexual function during menopause. I was delighted to hear so many other people, people with much fancier degrees, talking about it too. Stay tuned - there will be a workshop on this happening soon! 
  • Treatments for cancers, including prostate cancer, can have a significant impact on sexual function. There are multiple ways to mitigate these effects, but many physicians aren't talking about them. There are, however, a few centers in which patients fighting cancer, survivors and their partners are paired with a physician, therapist and physical therapist to develop a multi-speciality approach (how smart is that). 
  • We need to start talking about masculine sexual response and health with much more nuance and diversity. I've been saying this for years, as have many others, but in multiple ways, this conference really drove that home. Sex is complicated. And sometimes, the penis or the prostate isn't going to work or isn't present. We need to have a broader cultural understanding of masculine sexuality that goes beyond erections.
I'm grateful for many things in this job and one of them is the opportunity to continue learning in so many ways, I learn things from our customers, co-workers, other educators, academic journals, conferences - it never stops. So, I'm sending a big thank you to each and everyone of our customers for making my job possible. I'm grateful every day.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Sex Educator Job Opening

Have you thought that working at Sugar would be a good fit for you? Well, we currently have a rare job opening for a Sex Educator/sales person. The job description is below.

Please look through the job description. If it sounds like a good match for your skills and passions, send in a resume and cover letter to jacq@sugartheshop.com . The cover letter must include why you want to work at Sugar and how your previous experience is relevant. No calls will be accepted related to this position.

Hours available include weekdays and weekends and will total 11-20 hours a week. Must be available to work Saturdays. Please don't send in an application if you are not available to work these times.

We look forward to meeting our new co-worker!

Applications must be received by 5pm Monday, March 4th

 
Sex Educator

The Sex Educator is responsible for answering customers’ questions, using active listening skills to determine the customer’s concerns and needs, providing customers with the information they require to make the purchases that are best for them and/or providing customers with referrals to other community organizations, stores or healthcare providers if Sugar is not able to meet their needs.  In addition, SEs process sales in the POS system, stock the store and maintain information in the Inventory Control system, ensure that the store is clean and tidy at all times, fulfillment of customer orders for shipping and perform other duties as assigned.  These duties may include:  store decoration, workshop instruction and/or special events.

Required skills:
-       A passion for Sugar’s mission
-       Computer literacy
-       Excellent customer service
-       Able to accurately work with money
-       Able to lift 50 pounds
-       Able to work evenings and weekends
-       Comfort with and acceptance of diverse sexualities
-       Cultural competency with diverse communities
-       Knowledge and understanding of queer and gender issues
-       Commitment to a team environment
-       A mind that is open to new things and ways of solving problems


Preferred:
Previous experience in sexuality education, counseling and/or retail.

Sugar will provide Sex Educators with:
$11.50 an hour – eligible for $00.50 increase after two successful months
A commitment to a systems oriented work place.
A work place that is respectful and supportive.


Mission

Sugar is a lesbian owned, multi-gender operated, for profit, mission driven sex toy store.  By providing education and toys in a shame free, sex positive, fun environment we help people of all genders and orientations experience their own unique sexuality with shameless joy and passion. 

Vision

A world in which healthy sexuality is respected and celebrated in all of its diversity.

Values

Sugar believes that sex between consenting adults is sacred, powerful and fun and should be celebrated and honored.  By providing quality education and toys in a sex positive, fun atmosphere, we will help foster healthy sexuality.  In order to provide our customers with impeccable customer service we strive to create a work environment that is healthy and supportive of each and every member of the Sugar team.  Sugar also works to exist in the environment in a way that is sustainable and responsible.







Friday, February 1, 2013

On why this feed is about to be all about the Ravens.

I grew up in a home where we went to church on Sunday, listened to classical music, had elaborate dinner parties, watched Dynasty, and the only sport we played was shopping the 70% off sale at Talbots.

But, on Saturday afternoons, we dressed in scarlet and grey and screamed our heads off for the Ohio State Buckeyes.

Football was something that everyone watched, lived, breathed. When the retired head coach, Woody Hayes*, passed away, my father (the pastor), walked into my bedroom and said, "Jacquelyn, get up, God died".

Gender or athletic ability had no impact on someone's commitment to football. Football existed. Like the sun comes up in the morning and the uprights get pulled down after the Ohio State/Michigan game (until they changed how they were made and stopped the annual upright carnage - spoil sports). And we loved it.

When I went to college, I went to one football game. And left before it was over. My liberal arts college was good at a lot of things. Football was not one of them. So, I started playing rugby. Tackling is fun.

When I moved to Minneapolis, I never fell in love with the Vikings. The 90s weren't good years for football in Minneapolis, people weren't passionate about it. The Packers fans, I understood. They lived and breathed their team. But they were never my team.

Then, I got a job offer in Baltimore. I honestly hesitated. This was the town that stole my Grandpa's favorite team. This was the town that now housed the hated Art Modell ( know, everyone loves him - it's hard to love him when your Mom's family is from Cleveland). But this was also the town that had their Colts stolen in the middle of the night in a Mayflower moving van. An event that had also caused my Baltimore born father to wake me up holding the picture of the van on the front page of the Columbus Dispatch. If any town deserved the Browns it was Baltimore. And it was my dream job.

So, I moved. And slowly, I fell in love. First with the town. The salt water in the air, the fog by the water, the strangers on the street that chat with you, the neighbors who know everything about you and ignore your oddities, a town that thrives on it's strangeness and it's heart.

My rugby team raised money by working one of the beer stands at the stadium. One day, beer sales were over, we'd cleaned up the stand, but the game was still going on. It was close to the end of the 4th quarter, the Ravens were behind but barely. It came up that I'd never seen a live professional football game. Someone made me go into the stadium to stand on the steps and watch the last three minutes. The Ravens had the ball, brought it down the field and Matt Stover came out and kicked a field goal with seconds left on the clock. It was electric. It was loud. I was hooked. I was home.

There are many things I love about the Ravens. We're always the underdogs. We play with heart. The fans fan with heart and fierceness. And, as a woman, a femme, a lesbian I have always been welcome. In this town I have yet to meet a man who looks surprised that I know a decent amount about football. When I go to the games, the crowds are diverse in age, ethnicity and gender. And when you walk around the city on Fridays and Sundays, a ton of folks are in purple. This is a football town.

I remember the last time the Ravens were in a Super Bowl. There was a crowd in my living room in Fells Point glued to the TV screen. Siragusa had a brilliant sack (of course). The defense scored most of the points. We won. I cried. I couldn't believe it. People spilled out of their homes screaming, yelling, hugging. It was amazing.

And now, more than a decade later, we're back there again. And I can't believe it again. No matter what happens Sunday, on Monday, I'll be hanging my #52 jersey in the closet. And I'll be a proud Raven's fan.

In the meantime, you'll be hearing more Ravens chatter from me. On Sunday, I'll be sitting in my lucky seat in the bar in Remington where people who know each and people who don't will share a series of moments that we'll never forget. We'll scream and yell and hug and probably cry. Because. It's football. It's the Super Bowl. It's tradition.

Go Ravens.

And, thank you, Mr Lewis, for 17 years. We're going to miss you. Your talent, your intelligence and your passion have been a gift to the Baltimore community we will never forget. May your next endeavors provide you with as much joy as you've given us.

Next week, we'll be back to sex.


Thursday, January 31, 2013

Lube and pH

So, I was thinking about lubrication and folks who are trying to get pregnant.

Sperm is happiest at a pH of around 7.4 Many lubricants have pH levels that are more acid. There are several lubes on the market that specifically target people who are trying to get pregnant. These lubes have a nicely alkaline pH. We used to carry one of these lubes at the store. It's called PreSeed and it gets great reviews. I never loved it. It comes in little prepackaged lube squirters (which isn't the way most people apply lube for vaginal intercourse), has a paraben in it and is pretty pricey.  Recently, PreSeed was sold and the new owners no longer sell to our distributor. We've never sold enough of it to buy direct from the manufacturer (and rumor has it, the new owners don't want to sell to sex toy stores). I was annoyed and I started thinking.

What's the pH of the lube we sell? Do we have a lube already on the shelf that would help keep the vagina a nice welcoming place for sperm? What would be the best consistency for a conception lube? When the body is at its most fertile, it produces cervical mucus that is clear and stretchy. This mucus can act as a wick to help get sperm into the uterus. I'm guessing that one would want lube that was slick, but wouldn't wash out the useful cervical mucus, so a lube that's not super liquidy might be better. The consistency is of the lubes marketed as "for conception" tend to be thinner gels, so I think my consistency theory might be right. 

Then, I pH tested every lube in the store. I used pH strips and my best judgement. I have used pH strips before when I worked in a medical clinic. However, that was years ago, so take this for what it is, my best guess.

Sliquid Lubricants
Sassy - pH 5
H2O - pH 5
Sea - pH 6
Satin - pH 7
Swirl - Blue Raspberry - pH 6+
Swirl Strawberry Pomegranate - pH 4+
Swirl Pina Colada - pH 4+
Oceanics - pH 7.5
Organic H2O - pH 6+
Organic Silk - pH 6+
Organic Gel - pH 7

Good Clean Love
Almost Naked - pH 4
Lavender - pH 4

Slippery Stuff
Slippery Stuff Gel - pH 6

Wet
Strawberry Kiwi - pH 4

Liquid Silk - pH 4

Maximus - pH 3

Pleasure Works
Please Liquid - pH 3

Silicone lubes - I tested five different brands (Uberlube, Pink, Wet, Pjur and Swiss Navy). Each had a pH of 5.

I'll add to the list as I test more.

As of now, it looks like Sliquid Oceanics would work well. It's very close to the optimum pH and it fits in with my (untested) theory that a lube that's slick but not too liquid would be best.

I'm not a scientist, nor a physician. So, take the above with a grain or five of salt. Just don't put the salt in anyone's vagina.