Condom Olympics!

next time someone tell's you their dick is too big to use a condom. refer them to this.

as a former pageant girl myself, it's awesome to see contestants doing good and having fun!

courtesy (i'm ashamed to say) of www.tmz.com

i'll admit it. i was looking at info about MJs death...

Porn star return to Florida to Dance

Jazella Moore, the porn star who is married to Scott Janke, the former City Manager of Fort Meyer's Beach, FL is returning to Fort Meyers.

After her husband was fired, both she and her husband left town. According to AIN, she has been performing since - and is coming back to Florida as a feature performer at the local strip club.

Admission is $20. And that's before paying for a dance.

That's the way to work it!

Night sweats: another michfest blog

Friday night I went to bed early.

I lay in my tent with a fine drizzle pitter patting on the fly and listening to Amy Ray's voice echo thru the trees. I love the Indigo Girls. And I love Amy Ray's solo stuff. It's gritty melodic. Part of me really wanted to be at the show. But I had three workshops to teach the next day. And one of them was new. I curled up in my nest of clothes, shoes and slightly damp pillows and fell asleep with Amy Ray dancing in my ears.

Part way thru the night I woke up. Desperate to pee. Only to find that sweet drizzle had grown into a torrential down pour. I practiced kegels. I prayed for a break in the rain. The rain was very determined. Finally I did that thing that you aren't supposed to do, but most of us end up doing at some point during the week: I darted out of the tent and peed in the woods. Walking to the porta janes was just not an option. Not only would I have been even more soaked. But I wouldn't have made it.

So, a little wet, but pleased i hadn't actually peed IN the tent, I crawled back in and went to sleepy town. Again.

By morning, the rain hadn't exactly stopped. It had more eased off into something like those mist-ers they have on the streets in Palm Springs. Except damper. And not at all refreshing. I pulled on some moist clothes and trundled off to the Saints for a hot coffee. Or three. Came back gripping my coffee like it was a life giving elixir (which it was) and sat under the grotto smoking, caffeinating and reviewing my notes for the morning workshop.

This morning I was teaching my sex and menopause workshop for the first time and I was nervous. You see, I'm 37. And I'm not peri-menopausal. When you're teaching about sex people want you to have personal experience in the specific thing that you're teaching. Which makes sense and doesn't. Everyone's body is different. And no-one expects the civil war teacher to have been there....

But my partner is 12 years older than me, and we have a lot of customers at the store that are in various stages of menopause, so the subject has become something I'm really interested in. Especially because the culture I grew up in had a tendency to talk about older women as sexually "over". Anytime you tell me that a woman is finished sexually, I get skeptical. And I've never understood why an "older" person would be less sexy. God knows I'm a hell of a lot better in bed now than when I was 18. Why would the learning curve stop?

Which is part of why I've always been attracted to women that are a little bit older than me. I look for those hot little lines by the eyes that tell me a woman has lived some life and learned some things. I love those lines. They make my stomach flip.

I've been working on this workshop for months, but purposely put off teaching it until Michigan. Because Michigan womyn won't let me get away with shit. If I'm saying something stupid - they'll tell me. I was counting on it. And a bit frightened of it.

All week, I'd been hearing from different women that they were looking forward to this particular workshop. 35 years ago this festival was founded by women in their 20s. You do the math.

I looked doubtfully at the sky and wondered if I'd even get to teach. But festies are intrepid. So my rain boots, my purse, my notes and I trotted off to the workshop area. I had to spend a little time looking for the workshop area. Usually, I teach in Area 9. That's where they put all of the sex workshops. It's a bit out of the way, and the actual workshop area is down a longer path. It helps keep kids away (not that I've ever had any problem with girls trying to get into workshops they shouldn't be in -they know the rules 18 and over). But this workshop wasn't in Area 9. Which offended me a little bit. What - we aren't going to be dirty because we're talking about menopause? It's going on my comment form.

There were about 4 women waiting for me in the workshop area. I sat down on a tarp covered stump. We waited a bit longer and a few more showed up. It was still misting. We started talking. I was learning a lot. But I was a little off my game. The mist became drizzle. We kept going.

Then it started to pour. My notes started to run. I looked around at the women who were gamely trying to stay present as rain poured off our hoods and onto our noses. And suggested that we adjourn to the Sugar tent back in the crafts area. And so we did.

On the way I stopped by the workshop coordinator's tent and told them that if it was still raining at noon, I wasn't teaching my ass play workshop. Not going to talk about relaxing muscles while it's cold and raining and we're all holding our bodies tensely wondering if our tents are staying dry. It's not conducive to learning.

So we tromped back to the Sugar tent and stood around, shoulder to shoulder and finished the workshop. It certainly wasn't the best workshop I ever taught. But I learned a lot. The most important thing that I learned was that we need space to talk about this. The changes that happen in our bodies during menopause are pretty big. Many women still have satisfying sex lives, but our bodies work differently. And knowing that we aren't alone is critically important. Remember when we were teenagers and our bodies were doing all kinds of crazy shit and we felt alone and freakish? The hormonal shifts of menopause are just as big. And create some of the same feelings. I know that some of the technical info I shared was useful, but even more useful was holding the space for women to hear from each other that they weren't alone. Or weird. I was honored to be there. And honored that these amazing women trusted this 37 year young woman to share their space.

So, thank you women, and thank you Michigan for giving me these gifts. I'll treasure them.

And I'm just a little bit more grateful for the roof on my house when it rains and I don't get even a little bit wet.

Clitoral research!

The LA Times recently published an article about Kim Wallen, an Emory University professor's research.

The theory is that folks who have less distance between their clit and their vaginal opening are more likely to have orgasms from just penetration.

Which makes perfect sense - the closer those two things are, the more indirect clitoral stimualtion a person would receive from penetration.

I'm wondering how he will differentiate g-spot stimulation in his study...

Anyway, check it out!

Gender, running and why science can't tell us what sex we are

For those of you haven't heard yet, there is a young South African woman who is a runner. And she's kicking ass and taking names. So, the IAAF checked her out for steroids - good idea. Steroids are bad. But she was clean. She's just that good.

She's muscly, and has extremely short hair, and girls aren't usually that fast, so, since she wasn't on steroids, she had to be a man right?

Yeah. I'm still stuck on the "girls aren't that fast part".

So there's been all kinds of hoop la. People saying that this question is absurd. Other folks saying that she "must be a man". Her mother saying that she's a woman.

But people do all kinds of crazy things for success in sports. On some level, although it's absurd, I can see how someone could ask the question. Remember the kid who was a baseball player and everyone that it was amazing that someone his age could be so good. Until they found out that he was really four years older?

Most of the coverage has been stupid and sensationalized. Until the New York Times. As I read quotes from the article to my best friend, we both teared up. It's the first time I've seen a main stream news source, hell, "the paper of record" acknowledge that gender is "messy".

“It turns out genes, hormones and genitals are pretty complicated,” Alice Dreger, a professor of medical humanities and bioethics at Northwestern University, said in a telephone interview. “There isn’t really one simple way to sort out males and females. Sports require that we do, but biology doesn’t care. Biology does not fit neatly into simple categories, so they do these tests. And part of the reason I’ve criticized the tests is that a lot of times, the officials don’t say specifically how they’re testing and why they’re using that test. It should be subject to scientific review.”

And then, they ended the article with this:

“But at the end of the day, they are going to have to make a social decision on what counts as male and female, and they will wrap it up as if it is simply a scientific decision,” Dreger said. “And the science actually tells us sex is messy. Or as I like to say, ‘Humans like categories neat, but nature is a slob.’ ” [italics added]

Since then, they have published an editorial written by Alice Dreger about the complexities of gender and defining gender scientifically. It's an incredibly informative editorial.

All of us should read it. Like now.

at the end of the day, these doctors are not going to be able to run a test that will answer the question. Science can and will inform their decision, but they are going to have to decide which of the dozens of characteristics of sex matter to them.

In the end, their decision will be like the consensus regarding how many points are awarded for a touchdown and a field goal — it will be a sporting decision, not a natural one, about how we choose to play the game of sex.

Thank you Alice Dreger. And I'm buying your book.

Funny, that science doesn't support a binary gender system. Wonder why....

I'd also add that Semenya seems to identify as a woman. Which is good enough for me.

**pic from the NYT article

Amazon Women Rise

Wednesday night at Michigan is the Opening Ceremony. M and K had arrived and redecorated the grotto - making a bit fancier. and a bit more, well, tie dyed. Which for some reason is actually charming in the woods.

But do not. Ever. Introduce anything tie dyed to my living room and I will quietly kill you with sarcasm. Or with very, very bland food. And cruel looks.

I even liked the fancy goddess banners.

After a day selling sex toys with the lovely Jenae, a dinner of Indian Curry and oddly large broccoli spears, we all showered re-dressed, grabbed our officially short enough chairs and trotted off to the main stage. Just in time for the opening ceremony.

The weather was perfect. The light was beautiful. The field was packed with women. Ubaka Hill drummed. Ruth Barret chanted. Ferron sang Imagine as women rose with signs lettered with words.

I love Ferron. There is something so compelling about her gravelly voice. It gets under your skin and holds you up. More women kept standing with more words. It was beautiful.

Then it was time.

For the annual singing of Amazon Women Rise.
Call it cheesey. Call it woo woo.

It's power. It's amazing. Thousands of women, singing and dancing the same song at the same time in the same place for 34 years.

Earlier that day ATB had been joking about it. I'd promised her that I'd come and find her and we'd rise. She was thinking she was too cool for the rising. So M and I ran over to the smoking ok/chem ok section and found the Chicago gyrlls.

Here's the secret. No one is too cool for this moment. Every woman rises. From the 80 year old woman in her wheel chair, the 43 year old pregnant woman in a loin cloth, the 30 year old tattooed hipster ro 6 year old little girl blowing bubbles who's thrilled that she gets to wear her tutu every day for a week. We all rise in our own way. With smiles on our faces and joy sparkling in the air. We rise.

TSA, Gender and trans folk trying to fly....

Last week the TSA started to implement new regulations.

It's called the Secure Flight Program.

Secure Flight matches the name, date of birth and gender information for each passenger against government watch lists to:

• Identify known and suspected terrorists
• Prevent individuals on the No Fly List from boarding an aircraft
• Identify individuals on the Selectee List for enhanced screening
• Facilitate passenger air travel
• Protect individuals' privacy

After matching passenger information against government watch lists, Secure Flight transmits the matching results back to aircraft operators.

From the TSA website 8/18/09

When you purchase an airline ticket you now need to provide your gender.  There are only two boxes: female and male.  At the airport, the TSA will not let you thru security unless both the name and gender on your legal ID (drivers license, passport, etc.) match the name and gender on your ticket.

The idea is to increase the accuracy of the watch list.  Say there is someone on the terrorist watch list who is named Kerry Anderson and that person is male.  This would prevent all Kerry Andersons who are female from being pulled out of line and going thru extra security screenings.  Frankly, although it's annoying, it makes some sense.

Of course, this is going to add an additional layer for folks who are trans and going thru security.  Hell, it could make stuff a little dicey for anyone who's not gender normative. Of course going thru security or customs as a trans person wasn't easy before.

I flew yesterday.  I'm cis gendered, but when I was going thru security at the Boston airport I asked a few questions.  

Here's how the conversation went.

Me: "Hey, can I ask you a couple questions about the new policies in relation to gender and IDs?"

TSA agent:  "Sure"

Me:  "I have a lot of friends who are trans gendered - their gender appearance doesn't match the gender on their driver's license.  What should they do?  What will happen when they hand you their stuff?"

TSA agent (looking a little bit nervous, but willing to listen):  "Well if we have any questions, first we'd call over the supervisor"

Me:  "Would it help if they brought a Dr's note?  You see, my brother is on testosterone and he looks like a guy, but on his driver's license his name says Judy and his gender says female"

Other TSA Agent steps in:  "Hormones don't change certain facial structures like your nose, or the shape of your eyes.  That's the stuff we look at.  It'll be fine for him.  We understand.  And we don't judge."

Which was nice to hear.  But I was in Boston.  In the first state in the nation where same sex marriage became legal.  And the second agent was clearly better educated on trans stuff.  I'm willing to bet the reaction would have been a little bit different in, say, Alabama, or Idaho.

I also sent an email to the TSA and am waiting to hear back from them.  I'll let you know what I hear (if I hear back at all).  The National Center for Transgender Equality has been in communication with the TSA about the new policy, so the TSA is aware of the issue.  But I doubt that will filter down to every agent checking IDs.

Here are my suggestions for getting thru security if you are trans and your name and gender on your DL don't match your gender presentation.  These suggestions are based simply on my years of experience in working with bureaucracy, federal programs and folks who are on the front line enforcing policies.  These are not suggestions from the TSA or any other organization.  They may not be politically correct, but they are designed to get you thru security with as little drama as possible.  The NCTE has some suggestions that may be more politically correct - click here for those.

1) Buy your plane tickets under the name and gender on your driver's license/state issued identity card (DL).  Double check your itinerary to make sure everything is correct (I saw a guy this weekend who had to go back to the ticket counter because his name on his license and his ticket didn't match and I'm pretty sure he wasn't trans). 

2)  Use your DL as your ID.  I've noticed the TSA agents spend more time examining other documents - even passports.

3)  Check your DL picture.  How much does it not look like you?  If it's really different (significantly shorter hair, major weight loss, etc.), think about "losing" your DL and getting a new one with a picture that looks more like you.

4) Get a letter from a medical professional on letter head that states you are transgendered and documents your legal name and gender. 

This  what I'd suggest for the text of the letter:

****** was identified as [gender] at birth, but now identifies as [blank].  ***** has undergone medical treatments in order to have their appearance match their gender identity, but they have not yet legally changed their name or gender.  As their medical provider I can attest that this person is legally ****** and [gender].

If you can have the clinician cut and paste a current picture of you into the letter, that could help.

Most cities have a sliding scale clinic where you could get a letter such as this.  

And yes, I know that you may identify as a gender other than male or female.  The TSA agent needs a box to put you in so that you can get on your plane.  Give them a box.  Fight the battle to eliminate the gender binary when you don't have a plane to catch.  Or a cavity search to avoid.

5) Self disclose when you hand the TSA agent your info - I recognize as a cis gendered person  I do not fully understand  how scary that could be.  People from a group which is marginalized are not the folks who should be responsible for doing the education, but in this case, I think it will save you a lot of trouble and drama.  A very simple, "I know my appearance doesn't match my legal gender, I'm trans.  This is my legal name and gender.  I have a letter from my doctor here as well,"  could help prevent a delay and reduce the amount of time you have to spend dealing with a legal system which marginalizes all folks who don't fit easily into a gender box. 

***

If you are some one who doesn't identify as trans, but presents in a way that is outside of dominant culture gender norms, check your DL.  If the picture of you is from when you were a girly sorority girl and now you are a muscly butch with a shaved head - "lose" your license and get a new one with a new picture.  A lot can change in the years between DL pictures.  Even more between passport pictures.  Hell, things have been a little faster for me at the airport since my DL picture now has my pink hair.

If you have any problems, please contact the National Center for Transgender Equality at 202-903-0112  so that they can follow up with the TSA 

***btw - Owen's birth name is not Judy.  He doesn't choose to share his birth name with many folks, so I don't either***