Saturday, April 4, 2009

picket fences, swing sets and swingers - oh my!

The NCSF (the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom) is a fabulous organization that works to protect all of us folks who have sex lives that someone somewhere may think are outside of the norm.  Although, the one thing that I know, is that there is no "norm".  Each year, the biggest fundraiser for the NCSF is at a swingers club called Tabu.  In Catonsville.

Catonsville is  a suburb of Baltimore.  A normal suburb with strip malls.  And culdesacs.  And a swingers club.

Here's where we should maybe do a quick and dirty definition of swinging.  Swinging, often referred to as "the Lifestyle" is a kind of nonmonogamy.  Most swingers are part of an opposite sex couple and have a significant commitment to both to each other and to their relationship.  Many swingers are married.  They choose, as a couple, to engage in sexual activity with other people, often other couples.  Most commonly, people will choose to stay within the swinger community for their partners.  Like any relationship, everyone has different rules about what types of sexual activities and connections are ok.  The one commonality is a base assumption that the primary emotional connection is between the couple.  The sexual connection with other people is based in friendship or "just sex".  Single men are often not welcome at swingers clubs, but single women are.*

Like many folks in the alt sex community, swingers are really nice people.  Some of the longest lasting marriages I've encountered are marriages in which the couples are swingers.  There is a sense of play present in the swinger community that is delightful.  And fun.  And amongst many couples, you can sense a deep an beautiful commitment to each other.   Of course there are disastrous relationships.  Because swingers are people.  And people can be cruel.  And fuck up.  

So, last night was the fundraiser.  Alex, Stephanie and I set off for Tabu.  Sugar was in charge of the blow job and pussy eating contest.  Catonsville is across the city, into the county, past the malls, the diners, the - well, it took like FOREVER.  And driving a stick shift in six inch platform heels is a little dicey.  

But we made it.  

Tabu is a private club.  Usually, in order to get in you need to purchase a membership.  But, for the fundraiser, anyone could buy a ticket.  Even unaccompanied men.  The place is BYOB, but it has a bar.  You check your booze at the bar.  They supply the mixers and the bartenders.  It's kind of brilliant.  On the right when we walked in was a table promoting the Chesapeake Polyamory Network (with Hershey's kisses).  On the left was the NCSF table.  Girls from the Charm City Roller Girls were skating around selling raffle tickets.  The next room had tables, comfy chairs, big screens with porn, a DJ booth, and a stage with stripper poles and go-go dancing cages.  Up by the stripper pole, Baltimore's TNG was doling out spankings and electrical shocks.  Dancers from Scores were doing lap dances with the money going to NCSF.  A woman was walking around covered in balloons that people could pop for a donation.  We had just missed the lube wrestling (pout).  The place was so packed we could barely move.  I made an announcement about the upcoming contest and the three of us set off to brow beat folks into participating.

Not too long after we got there, Sacred Mark's Sanctuary, did a hook suspension performance piece.  The whole piece took place behind a scrim.  A woman was bound with rope, then placed on a stretcher.  Hooks were inserted in her partner's back, thighs and calves, then he crawled on top of her and they started to 69 while they were tied together, attached to a suspension rig and flown thru the air.  It was pretty intense.  

After giving the hook suspension participants some time to recover, we took over the stage and started the contest.  Originally, we had been asked to do a blow job contest.  Because I'm an equal opportunity girl, I insisted that we do both a blow job and pussy eating contest. But, I failed in actually getting an equal opportunity contest.  Everyone who signed up for both was female.  At the last minute, a brave man asked to participate in pussy eating.  So he partnered with another contestant.  And the pussy eating began.  Don't get too excited.  We were using peaches.  Two women from Scores ended up on the stage one of them gobbling the peach from the other woman's cunt.  It was fun.  We had to choose a winner.  It was tough.  There were some impressive folks on that stage!

The blow job contest went by quickly because the pussy eating took a little longer than I had anticipated.  One woman started eating her cucumber.  I think next time we'll use dildos.  The cucumbers were a little too hard.  And varied a little too much in size.

Or something else entirely.  That is, if they ask us back.  Which i hope they do, because it was an amazing event.

After our part was done, it was midnight, the three of us were tired.  So we headed out.  We never saw the silent auction.  Or the the round bed and mirrors that they supposedly have in the basement.  

 A few hours standing around in fluevog pony boots is a good look.  But by the time we left, my feet were numb.  I spent about five minutes unlacing the delightful, delicious, somewhat tortuous boots, that i lusted after for years and had as my screen saver before I finally got them as a wedding present from the very smart woman that I married, pried them off my feet and drove home in my stocking feet.  Much easier to depress the clutch without the pony heel.

*For many years, there has been an assumption of bisexuality for women in swinger communities, and an assumption of heterosexuality for men.  As Generation X and Y have come into the swinger community, some communities are becoming more welcoming of bisexual men.

1 comment:

grizzyhip said...

about the bi thing for guys.. i was in the lifestyle a few years ago and i am glad to hear that more bi guys are being welcomed in the overall community. its weird most swingers consider themselves "open minded" but things such as that have been .."tabu"..