chocolate. hat. on a cock. that's good times

thank's to Searah from for picking up on this

check it out.

it's seriously chocolate hats for your (or your friend's) cock.

why didn't i think of this?

of course don't put something with sugar into someone's pussy.

and for god's sake don't get overly excited and bite...your friend may not want to play with you anymore : )

Air sex. like air guitar. but better

requiring absolutely no musical talent or knowledge of music.

or really even knowledge of sex.

the air sex championships.

pretty awesome.

or terrifying.

i can't quite decide

thanks to violet blue and the baltimore erotic arts festival for bringing this to my attention : )

the iphone even better?!

well, half naked cute girls make most things better.

especially when tilting your phone back and forth takes their clothes on and off.

you know people have been dreaming about this.

in fact, i think i dreamed about it last night....

check it out!

Porn documentary

So - a porn doc that is about women, feminism and porn (from a pro porn perspective) is finally available on itunes!

It's called "The Naked Feminist" and was shot in 2002-2003. It includes interviews with Veronica Hart, Nina Hartley, Christi Lake, Chloe Nicole (who i dearly miss as a performer), Candida Royalle, Annie Sprinkle, Ginger Lynn, Marilyn Chambers, Seymore Butts, Betty Dodson, Veronica Vega, Mischa Allen, Abby Ehmann, Kylie Ireland, Sharon Mitchell.

I haven't had a chance to see it yet - but it's getting pretty good reviews. You can rent it from itunes - just go to the itunes store and search for "The Naked Feminist"

Let me know what you think!

privileges

Last Sunday evening, I found myself sitting on a polished cement floor a breeze drifting in the door, a table with vibrators at my head. And Barbara Carrellas sitting on a cushion talking about her first communion, ecstatic experiences, chakras and breath. And I was really, really happy.

Barbara talked about we can use our breath and our intention to expand our orgasms. She talked about how we learn to have sex by being quite, holding our breath and being quick. And then she taught us how to do the opposite. At the end of the class, she led us in a guided meditation that brought our breath thru each chakra and ended with a breath orgasm. The energy in the room was amazing.

At the end, I cried. and felt tingly. And felt more at peace than I have in a long time. It was an amazing experience.

And it made me think about a lot of things. Not least of which is how lucky I am. Through the store, and through Dark Odyssey, I have met some of the best sex educators in the country. Over the past two years, many of them have come to the store. Each month I get to learn from the best. And I'm grateful. And honored.

personal and professional

Recently, one of my favorite porn performers made a decision to leave porn. At least as a performer. Penny Flame has come to a place where she is able to aknowledge that she has been using sex, alcohol and drugs to avoid intimacy. She says that although she has gained a lot from the porn industry, it isn't a healthy place for her to be anymore. She has started a blog called becoming jennie (her real name). Jennie's blog is sensitive and brutally honest. I'm so glad that she has found the courage to take these steps and I'm sending her all kinds of good energy.

It's got me thinking.

Any job that we have spills into a personal life. My partner works in film and television. When we watch a movie, she looks at it differently than I do. And she's always running the risk of someone deciding that she needs to read that screen play that they wrote (which she does graciously - but she's not a producer...). Some doctors I know hesitate to reveal their jobs when they are at parties because often the response is "Oh really? Could you take a look at this rash I have on my feet?". But, when the job is about sex, somehow it feels even closer.

Before I opened Sugar, I worked in reproductive health care and, for less than two years, at Babeland in NYC. I wasn't anticipating the big change the store has made in my life. Most of it good of course.

But even before the store opened, things changed. In my experience, once you've worked in the sex industry, people start to make all kinds of assumptions that may or may not be true. That you have a lot of sex toys. That anything goes for you in the bedroom. That you have a lot of sexual partners. That you're amazing in the sack. On any given day, any or none of those may be true. And, as far as the "good in bed" thing goes? Well, I've had lousy sex. I expect I may again. Sex is about so much more than technique. No matter how versed a person is in anatomy and tips and tricks, if the chemistry isn't there, if there are mitigating circumstances, if the dog is barking and your mother in law is in the next room and the baby is crying and - well, sometimes sex isn't good.

I know I'm better at teaching techniques and theory when it's something that is a part of my life (or has been). I'm better at selling the toys that I personally love. Sex is an integral part of being human. My work is sex. And there is sex in my life. There's no reason that the two should be completely separate. In fact, I have no idea how they could be. There is a constant discourse back and forth.

But I recognize that it's odd. For most folks, sex is a very private matter. For me, it's a strange and evolving blend of public, private and everything in between. But, it will never be completely private again. And that's ok, but every once in a while I have a hard time wrapping my brain around it.

Of course, the concept of private is a moving target in our culture. We blog, we tweet, we watch "reality" shows. We know where Lindsay Lohan spent the night (or you do if you're shallow like me and read Perez). So, I guess I'll just move with that target. And keep bringing my work home, and home to work.

Red n Black - or the lovely eye candy!

First of all Wendy and Tawni of S.H.E. Productions are amazing. Fabulous. Awe inspiring. They put together an event that worked seamlessly. And, I had to do absolutely nothing. Which, considering that I don't know how to produce an event, is a good thing!

Ken, from Cielo Productions, did the graphic design that helped get folks there. The performers were incredible.

S and I got there a bit before nine. We were supposed to get there at eight. We were late. No big surprise there. We needed to primp. S looked fabulous in her hat with a red and black ribbon. I was honored to walk in the door with her.

And then the parade began. People took the red and black thing seriously. Men in kilts with red and black boots. Trans women in red corsets. Gender queer folks in thigh high red fishnets and over the knee PVC boots and push up bras. Butches with black shirts and suspenders. Straight guys in red and black smoking jackets. One guy was wearing red latex pants. A woman was in a full length latex mermaid dress with red insets. Fucking fabulous! Tiara (who works at the store) even managed to find an adorable red tank top that showed off her lusciously pregnant belly.

The crowd was a mix of straight, gay, lesbian, gender queer, kinky, vanilla - there was some of everything.

Demetria MCd the evening with aplomb. The fiercly fine go-go dancers started off the evening. Then, Lena Grove, from Gilded Lily Burlesque performed a smoking hot number, followed by Justin Credible with Regina, then Maria Bella (also of the Gilded Lilies) shone on the stage and Paco Fish did an incredible Boy-lesque number (why is seeing a guy in pasties so much more fun and dirty than seeing him just shirtless)?

After an intermission in which DJ Arturo spun some great tunes, the show was back on with Demetria and a super fun drag number, followed by E-Cleff and his amazing dance moves and Bambi Galore - dancing to Sugar with sugar lip pasties (and yes I WANT SOME!).

I had a blast hanging out with my friends and making new ones. Thank you to everyone for coming. And thank you so much for supporting Sugar!

Red and Black Ball - the prep (or in which i cry and feel sorry for myself)

Last Saturday, I got to go to the Red and Black Ball and celebrate Sugar's 2nd Anniversary. It was awesome.

On Friday, I had a serious fashion crisis. I had made a dress. And, well, I don't know exactly what I did. I'm a reasonably competent seamstress. I thought I followed the pattern. But I must have done something wrong somewhere. I think I misunderstood what type of fabric I should have used. Regardless. It was AWFUL! So, I settled on a back up outfit. But it just wasn't fabulous. At all. No worries. I'd just go to Nina's Power XChange on Saturday.

But, it turns out that Nina is moving her store to just online. And the bricks and mortar store is already closed (stay tuned for a moving sale). So, I checked out the stores on The Avenue. Where at Form, when I asked to see what they had in black or red in a size 12, a very petite woman looked at me as if I had just taken a crap in the store and informed me that "Form is a designer boutique, and we don't carry those sizes". Nice. Apparently they only go up to a size 8. Granted, I'm usually a 10. I'm a little bigger than what's normal for me. But I would never, ever fit into an 8. Even at my skinniest. I moved on to Shine. Where the staff was amazing (as always). Made me feel pretty even though I was practically wearing my pajamas and needed a shower. I found a few things that I liked, but nothing was quite right for the event. S came and got me and we went to Chained Desires. Where, again, the staff was lovely, but nothing jumped out, grabbed me and said, "TAKE ME HOME!!!"

So, I did what any good, reasonable femme would do. I started to cry. And then kicked myself a little for the depth of my vanity. Sniffed. And decided that looking fabulous was over rated. And went back to work.

S however, did not give up so easily. 30 minutes later I got a phone call telling me to meet her at Cross Keys.

Cross Keys? You see Cross Keys is a little tiny mall just up the street. It has a hotel, condos, Chicos, Talbots, Ann Taylor. You know, my mother would shop there. So, I was a bit confused. But S has a pretty good eye so I hopped in the jeep and took off.

She was at Ruth Shaw's (no web site). It turns out they were one of the first (if not the first) store to bring designer fashion to Baltimore (30 years ago). They had two dresses waiting for me, took one look at me and told me which dress I'd like better and ushered me to the dressing room. The dress was perfect. Long, flowing, fabulous. And super comfortable. I plan on wearing it every day this summer.

S went home with the dress and I headed back to the store for the last minute stuff for the party.