Friday, June 5, 2009

on david carradine

ok - i'm really feeling bad for this guy.

a) committed suicide
b) had auto-erotic asphyxiation go bad (the practice of restricting one's own breathing while masturbating)
c) was engaging in bondage play with an idiot

it is seeming increasingly clear that he didn't commit suicide. i've heard conflicting reports about if his hands were tied behind his back. which would clear up the difference between b and c.

as a result of all of this, the just printed part of his divorce paperwork citing "deviant sexual behavior". now seriously - what the hell does that mean? i read it. and i'm still not sure. i'm clear that according to his ex-wife, he was an abusive asshole during at least part of their marriage. and that, according to her, he had an "incestuous" relationship with a family member (no reference to how close a family member - but because it was not referred to as an illegal relationship i'd assume it was with an adult) and "deviant sexual behavior".

frankly, i view deviant sexual behavior as a plus.

and abuse as a big minus.

but, i never knew this man and really am not that interested in his personal relationships. what i am interested in is the reaction to the possibility that his death was a sex accident.

i have heard no one (yet) talk about why someone might want to engage in auto erotic asphyxiation or bondage play. and/or how to do such things safely.

people engage in breath play (controlling or limiting your partner's breath or having your breath controlled or limited) for many different reasons. primarily because it feels sexy to them. either because they like the high of restricting oxygen to their brain. or because they enjoy feeling controlled in that manner. (or providing their partner with these sensations)

breath play is dangerous. period. but there are ways to be safer about it. first and foremost. for god's sake don't do it alone. (but if you choose to do it alone - click here for some tips on how to somewhat decrease your risk of death or brain damage)

be aware of risks. which (clearly) include death. damage to the trachea. heart attack. and permanent brain damage.

ok - so breath play is dangerous. and can kill you. but lots of folks do it. and they sure as hell don't teach us in school about why we shouldn't do it, or ways that we can do it that minimize risks. as a result, folks continue to engage in play with out the knowledge that they need to make good choices. mostly because they are scared to ask the question. and that's a fucked up commentary on our society.

but now we have the internet.

don't let your lack of knowledge kill you or someone you care about. wanting to engage in breath play is fine. it's hot. and there are ways to provide sensations that lessen the risk. it doesn't mean that you're bad. or deviant (unless that turns you on). and it certainly doesn't mean that you are an abuser.

so cut the man a break. it you want to beat him up posthumously for something, it sounds like his ex-wife might have a couple reasons. but they most likely have nothing to do with how he died.

and save your brain cells. you're likely to need them.

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